The last few days have been filled with tears as I talk to my dad and the others about their families. It has been one of the hardest things about spending so much time in the nursing home. Most people never receive any visitors. Most of the residents are totally estranged from their families. Most never see or speak to their children. The few family members that do visit, stop by for a few mins, never sit down, and are looking at their phones most of the time they are here. There have been a handful that spend quality time with the residents, their family member and the others. After the resident in their family dies or is moved to another facility, they do not come back. The other residents are at a loss.
I have been judging people really hard lately because I see how it impacts my dad and our friends to be alone and to feel abandoned. This has caused me to start asking questions and really investigating how my dad feels about this issue. I have been recording conversations I’ve been having with my dad about his family, focusing on his other children. Two weeks ago my dad was in the ICU and I didn’t think I would get the chance to talk to him again. This has prompted my conversations about his children because I don’t want him to die with any regrets. I’m not sure what I am going to do with these conversations. Part of me wants to send them to my half sisters and part of me wants to post them here. I feel so conflicted about what to do for our own estranged family.
For the last few years I have thought my half sisters were awful. There were many things that they did to my dad that enraged me. Then, an amazing thing happened yesterday, my dad shared some things with me that he had never shared before. He took responsibility for things that he had done to them and it lifted the anger and rage that I hadn’t realized I was carrying around. Then this morning I read this article http://www.xojane.com/relationships/im-estranged-from-my-mother-but-im-ok
It really shifted how I feel about the whole situation. I started thinking about how it would change my life and my dad’s life if my half sisters came around. Would it add anything to our lives? Would it make things more difficult? Would we bring anything to their lives? Or would being around us bring them pain or discomfort? I don’t know the answers to these questions but it is bringing me peace to ask them.